I believe that most of us have a nasty habit of comparing ourselves with others, or at least what we perceive about others. And that is the engine of the humanity, it makes us work harder and aim higher. But at the same time it crushes people that are fragile and could maybe do great things but they tend to beat themselves up for not being as great as somebody else.
I would like to say that I “use to” compare but I still do compare myself with others. But I’ve learned to analyze and get inspired by it and find motivation in it. It is not crushing me, au contraire – I changed my mindset into “if they can make it, so can I, but do I want to?”.
For example, I know bloggers who write 3-4 posts a day, and they are completely in the moment – in social media they could write “here’s what’s going on write now when I write my posts” and I value that ability to create content on spot and not being afraid to hit publish ASAP, unlike me, who can let my content sit for a month ultil I feel like it’s stupid or irrelevant anymore.
But on the other hand, while my content sits and waits for better times to come, I do other projects that makes me feel so excited that those are the first thing I think of in the morning. And that project might completely consume me for a week or even a month, and I’ve grown to be completely okay with that.
And in the case of comparison, we usually see other either as very worse or very better than us and usually only taking one aspect of their lives. Especially in the social media we percieve people as they want them to be percieved creating an illusion of a completely wonderful life when in reality we all have our ups and downs.
So what I’ve learned is to percieve my comparisons as ideas, inspiration and motivation rather than jelousy and something that brings me down. I’ve learned to be my honest self and be able to enjoy the things I do. And in the end, I’ve learned that there’s an actual person behind any content. And I use to create illusions about people according to their content – but when you actually meet the person they turn out to be way more than their content. They are much more grounded, inspiring and smart, and you have to be in order to create great content.
I have three questions to answer whenever I end up comparing myself with others:
What am I jealous of?
What I think I would achieve, if I had that?
If I really want that, can I think of my own unique way to achieve that?
First question let you face your cravings, wishes and needs on a surface level. It can be anything – either your crave to travel or that fancy shoes you saw on Instagram.
Second questions connects your wishes with your higher purpose, something you imagine yourself being after, let’s say ten years. If I want to travel more, I probably imagine that I would get back my sense of freedom and fulfil my wanderlust, or those fancy shoes would make me feel better about myself. Maybe, all I want is more followers on my blog to feel acknowledged, or maybe I want to build my business via my blog. Imagine it all, imagine all that would change if you had the thing you are jealous of.
Third question sets you on a plan. Let’s say I want to feel free and wander, so I think of my own way to do that. Maybe I need to feel this more in my job, maybe I need to get a weekend ritual to walk around, or maybe I just need to visit some new places. That is doable. I want more followers? Well maybe I need to post more instead of craving for new shoes?
In most of the cases, the answer to question three is something you already know. Because you have already set yourself for that purpose, that unique way to achieve it. I am not jealous of people, who win gold medal in Olympics, because I was never a sports fan, I never liked sports competition. I am only jealous of people, who in my opinion are more achieved than I am in my way to higher purpose.
And the amazing thing is, that you might ask for help. Whenever you see someone more achieved that you are, don’t be afraid to ask for help. What is the worse that could happen?